For about four years now I've been wrestling with that classic brain-teaser: How could anybody as completely mediocre as George W. Bush have become the leader of our country? I'm sure he'd be a great drinking buddy or something, but come on! The system must be seriously broken, right?

But then today it hit me, like 380 tons of missing Iraqi explosives cut down into about a million Humvee-friendly bombs...

As you've probably already heard, the New York Times let the cat out of the bag regarding the MASSIVE stockpile of explosives that the Bush Admin was warned about before the war but decided to put waaaaay down the list of "things to guard". Now it's gone, and many are demanding the impossible, some fucking answers.

So how does Bush (a.k.a "The guy who dragged us into this unnecessary war and then proceeded to fuck it up in every measurable way, with no end in sight") react to the news? He gets on the stump and yet again declares that he is "the only one that can keep America safe"!

BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!

You heard that right! It's Bush that we should be looking to to guide us out of this Bush-induced shit storm called the war in Iraq.

So, my friends, at last the puzzle is solved! For Bush to be able to stand in front of a crowd with a straight face and yet again declare that "up is down", no matter how ridiculous it sounds, he must have some of the biggest balls in human history. Only a man with such massive, heaving balls could defy puny Logic and crush pathetic Reason in order to protect us from having to think about the uncomfortable reality he's creating.

Truly a leader for our times!

UPDATE: And only gargantuan, hypnotic balls of cosmic proportions could have been brought to bear to bring the word "Orwellian" into such common usage.